Tag Archives: Antagonist

"Yellow Hair, you are such a funny bear"

Focus is not my forte.  I do want to prosper, and I feel such a strong sense of accomplishment when I reach my goals, but motivation is sometimes difficult.  If I take small steps and limit myself to having only one to a few goals at I time, I am usually more successful.  For example, six years ago on New Year’s Eve at the urging of vegetarian and vegan friends, I resolved not to eat anything that once had flesh.  Now, I am a meat and potatoes girl from the Midwest, so the first few months I suffered terribly.  My then boyfriend and my college friends chastised my decision since it was neither for moral reasons nor health benefits, but my resolve was firm.  Up until then I never stuck with a project for long, and because it was a new year, and I dreamed of a new life, I chose that one random task to prove myself.  After all, if I could give up meat, I could do anything.  Today, I rarely crave it.

In 2009, after learning guitar basics and attempting to write my first few songs, I signed up to sing and play them at an open mic at Nightingale Lounge, a sleek and elegant bar on Second Avenue between 12th and 13th Street.  Although the meager regulars were polite and supportive, my hands and voice trembled with wild abandon, and I felt as though my throbbing heart plunged dejectedly into my acidic stomach.  Even after about 25 shows, my knees still knocked together and proverbial butterflies still fluttered around the remains of my heart in my tummy.  I lamented to my ex-non-boyfriend (in NYC a non-defined relationship may nevertheless end in rejection)  that although I tried to portray confidence, the stage fright was relentless. Continue reading →